Learning to relax
Since last year when I committed to living from the heart with more flow and authenticity I have come up against so much resistance. It isn’t easy to unplug from our minds, to disconnect from the constant inner chatter, judgements, comparisons, fear.
To live from a place of deep inner guidance when you aren’t even sure what that voice sounds like. To feel, rather than to constantly think your way through life.
To let go of all the shoulds and the fear of missing out.
To really let go of the need to control everything and allow yourself to live life with trust and flow.
My second baby, my daughter, arrived on earth with many lessons for me. A final test to my proclamation of wanting more flow and connection in my life.
She was born two months after I started to create a new business and new offerings. I had movement, ideas, inspiration, and suddenly I was halted by night feeds and nappy changes, and learning to juggle a toddler and newborn.
That’s not to say that I wasn’t instantly in love with my new baby and overjoyed at the new addition to our family. Of course I was. But I had this constant niggling at the back of my mind of all the things I should be doing to move my fledgling business forward.
Even though I had planned to take at least the first few months, or more if I felt the need, to focus solely on my family, getting to know my daughter, and helping my son settle into his new role of big brother, I still felt the discomfort of all those ‘shoulds’ hanging over me.
My womb itself, the center of my creativity, was calling out for me to stop. I lost a huge amount of blood before and after birth for reasons still unknown. It was my body’s way to finally make me see that I needed to stop. Just stop controlling, pushing, living in my head and always putting myself last.
It was a message I had been ignoring for a really long time. Pushing myself to my limits and then wondering why the things I wanted to change weren't changing.
It has been a huge challenge to really slow down and to give myself space. To use any spare time I had for rest, stillness and relaxation.
I realised that I actually don’t really know how to relax and what an epiphany that was!
But it isn’t just me is it. It’s all women. It’s all of our story, and has been for generations.
But it’s time for it to stop. To reclaim space for ourselves in our busy lives. To start putting ourselves first, re-connecting to that inner voice and creating more flow and ease in our lives.
I have been learning this lesson for a long time, over and over again. But it has been a most valuable one.. Because this is the one which allows me to exist amidst looking after my kids, running a house, and a business.
It’s what allows me to be fully present for the people I care most about.
It’s what replenishes me, and allows me to really and truly give from a place free of resentment.